Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Looking Up

First, an update:

Today was actually a pretty good day. So far, there have been no tears, and I'm hoping to keep it that way. I'm glad to say that although my situation and burden hasn't been miraculously removed from me, God has been growing me every day. Things are happening in tiny increments, but I'm just glad to be climbing up out of that pit.

I realized today that it has been exactly four weeks since I had that doctor's appointment. Four weeks since my future changed. Four weeks since I was forced to start letting go of my plans and start listening for God's. My sense of time and date has been (and still is) off, so I am incredibly dependent on my calendar, my watch and alarms, and my lists. The first two weeks, I know I was a zombie. I probably couldn't tell you what I did during that time period. I know I must have done stuff, I just wasn't paying any attention. At the beginning of last week, I feel like I finally started to move forward. I finally had a big ol' cry-fest on the phone with Mitch while I proceeded to tell him everything I'd kept bottled up while I was hiding from the world. We got to have a real talk about it, something we didn't get to do before I came back to school. I started baking again. I started taking better care of my body, and caring about the food that I was putting into it. Instead of hollering at God and waiting for Him to fix everything, I dove into the Scriptures. And I am so glad that I did.

Here's some of the verses that I've been meditating on recently:

Habakkuk 3:18
Proverbs 19:21
Romans 8:26
Luke 22:42
Colossians 3:3

I'm not totally 100% yet, but I am making progress. Some days are harder than others, and I have no idea why. There's not necessarily that triggers the tears, they just invite themselves to the party.

Like I mentioned above, I have gotten back to baking. I made two batches of brownies, and I thought that I had met my baking nemesis. Good news, though! They weren't failures! (I was so preoccupied with having them turn out well that I forgot to take a picture, though. Oops.)

I also made The Pioneer Woman's cinnamon rolls. I was so excited with the way that they turned out, and I think I fell in love with the icing. So, to the dismay of my waistline, I am now trying to think of what else I could put that delicious glaze on. Cakes? Streusel muffins? I'm started to get excited!

Unfortunately, I need to really buckle down and focus on school now. Educational Psychology test in the morning, and a whole mess of things to do after that! I'll see you back here for Thankful Thursday, but for now, here's my current favorite Bible verse (aka today's favorite):

Psalm 103:17 "But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him."

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