Saturday, July 2, 2011

[Heavy Stuff]

I've been realizing some things lately. As much as I don't like to admit any of this, I feel like I have to get it out in the open. I'm not sure who to turn to about it in real-life, so this is as close as I'll ever get to actually admitting these weaknesses.

The more weight I lose, the more time I spend in front of the mirror.

I hate seeing pictures of myself from before, when I was fat[ter]. (pretty much any picture summer 2010-now)

The thinner I get, the more time I spend on my hair and makeup every morning.

Even though I should be happier with my appearance, I keep finding more flaws.

I have a love-hate relationship with my body. (current status: moderate-to-strong dislike)

I'm afraid, because I don't know how I'll look after I've reached goal. What if I look like some sort of freak?

I don't know how to dress a thin[ner] body. I've never done it before.

I'm afraid that as I get thinner, I won't want to dress modestly.

I'm afraid that I'm setting a poor example.

Sometimes my reflection makes me want to cry.

I think I'm allowing my weight loss to be an excuse for vanity.

I still feel like I'm not [good, skinny, pretty, kind, smart] enough.

What if I can't love myself, even after all I've been through? I've really been struggling lately. I'm having a hard time accepting myself, and I know that probably affects how others see me, even though I try to hide it.

Right now, I need one thing: prayer. Because of this struggle, I'm having a hard time praying about it myself. So if you get a chance, or if you happen to remember, please pray for me. I need it.

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